“I’d like to return this wand.”
“Return? Why, is something wrong with it?”
“It won’t cast Alreath’s Magic Arrow. It won’t cast anything at all. Not only that, I can’t cast anything myself, if I’m holding it.”
“Oh dear—”
“You can imagine how that might be inconvenient.”
“Sure. Absolutely—”
“I lost half of my party on what should have been a simple dungeon crawl. To Orcs. Orcs. Do you know how embarrassing that is?”
“I’m very sorry about that, sir; let’s get you your money back and then see if we can’t find something more suitable.”
“One that works, preferably.”
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